Tyler Calls

I answered the phone from a dead sleep last night. 4am. It was Tyler.

"I have Swine Flu," said Tyler.

"Who says?"

"Jaxx's doctor," said Tyler.

"Jaxx's doctor isn't a real doctor, Tyler."

"Yeah? Then why do they call him a doctor, asshole?" asked Tyler.

"Because his name is Doctor Rock Cock. He plays a well-endowed doctor in porn movies. In real life he deals meth. But is not a doctor."

"Oh yeah?" said/asked Tyler.

"Yeah."

"He says I have 22,000 days to live," said Tyler, who was weeping openly by this time on the call.

"That's great. You should be happy."

"I'M GOING TO DIE IN 22,000 DAYS!!!!!" Tyler screamed.

I hung up on him. Lady Ga-Ga rolled over towards me in bed. "Who was that?" she asked.

"A dead man," I said.