Michael Douglas

We took a small, private meeting this morning in a suite at the Woolworth Building. The big question was whether or not Michael Douglas is attached to WSTS (Wall Street, The Sequel). By phone conference, Michael said he's doing nothing until it can be confirmed that Catherine Zeta-Jones has second-lead in the film. Dex said he could not confirm this until it was confirmed by Michael that she would appear topless in no less than two (2) scenes. Michael would not make a confirmation of this verbal stipulation until it was double-confirmed that, as long as he was still starring in the hideous sitcom Two and a Half Men, Charlie Sheen would not be allowed to reprise his role as "Bud Fox". A non-sequitur tossed into to discussion was the speculation as to whether or not Jon Cryer secretly has AIDS.

Nothing was resolved in this morning's meeting so I came back down Broadway to my hotel. Hyacinth met me at my room with the following requested items:

(1) Five reams of 20lb. White.

(2) A new iPhone 3G.

(3) A Nathan's Famous Hot Dog from a street vendor.

(4) One whole grapefruit.

(5) A DVD documentary about Werewolves.

Upon arriving, Hyacinth said, "I had a dream last night that I took an Uzi to a Mommy & Me class and just fucking shot everyone." This, however gruesome it may sound, did not shock or surprise me. Hyacinth regularly has dreams where she either shoots someone, or gets shot. "What do you think my dream means?" she asked. "That you hate your womb?" I suggested. I gave Hyacinth her marching orders for the afternoon meeting at 20th Century Fox on Avenue of the Americas and then dismissed her.

There was one new message on the voice mail in my hotel room: It was the final 30 seconds of the song "Epic" by Faith No More.